Pain SUCKS

Losing someone always sucks, losing someone who you never really had a chance with sucks even more.   friends are cool and all, but as time passes and we get older, we want more, it is nature.   I have been sitting here for the last 9 days, no not sitting right here for the last 9 days, but just sitting here for the last 9 days,   eh you know what the hell i mean.  

It is boring, grief gets boring, sadness gets boring, when i feel like this, everything is boring.  i feel dead inside, but that is going away thank goodness.    To know that a person you loved will never be around for you to try to take your feelings anywhere further, goes away for good, it is mind blowing, especially when that person took their own life.  You right away start to blame yourself with regrets or at least that is what i have been doing, and that sucks big time!!    i should have no regrest,  i think i have shook that off of me now , but with each day that has passed its like i found something new to be sad over, and that sucks.

I think we both just kind of sucked, and that sucks worse than sucking.  

It is hard to say goodbye, especially when you never got the chance to say goodbye.

I know i cant save the world, but i figured well let me try to do it one person at a time, and let that first person be someone i can love and be with and then eventually help me in the saving ..man did that backfire!     that SUCKS.  and i dont suggest that you ever try it.  Give to a charity instead and i mean an actually charity where you are helping a lot of people and not just one,  and dont think with your selfish needs and wants.   I say that, but i really did care alot and it was far beyond any of that.

So many things have sucked lately,  but it is getting better.   We just have to try not to suck as much next time. 

leave it up to me to find that one person that is hard to find.   and then have them go away for good from this earth.  i would think that i should be used to that kind of thing by now,  but no one ever gets used to things   Sucking so much

this blog tonight sucks and i dont suggest you read it

have a good night

10:32pm

Sitting here thinking about music, i cant match a bass note to this track, it is annoying. I spent the night with an old friend who has a cool dog, here is to hoping that "everything is gonna be alright" lol.  I want to ask you a question but i dont know what it is, i only know that i want to ask it, what the hell was i thinking? , no that is not the question. i shall take this brew and smash it in my face, all for you!

What the hell is everyone up to this Saturday night? hopefully you are doing something other than blogging and going nuts over tracks like me.

Cheers